About The Bent Card Co.
So you want to know a little about how Bent Card came to be? Pull up a chair and shut up.
Well to start, my name is Übel Lachen. Being a malevolent necromancer of the highest order definitely has its perks. Everyone thinks it’s cool to be able to live for 500 years but I just turned the big Three-Oh-Oh and I feel like a mid-life crisis is starting to kick in.
Maybe it’s just frustration from 300 years of giving my friends good ideas just to see them abandon me when the idea takes off.
I told my friend Tommy Edison he should consider using carbon for the filament in his lightbulb to make it cheaper and easier to produce. We made a couple and tried them out. Not only was it cheaper to make but they lasted longer as well. Next thing I know Tommy is all over the world showing off his lightbulb and do you ever hear my name when the lightbulb is brought up? Hell no.
Tommy ended up with over 1000 patents in the US and over 2300 worldwide. He would never once share the “spotlight” so to speak, with me though for the damn light bulb. So I gave him diabetes. Not even Wilford Brimley could save him.
That was no worse than my boys Willy and Orville. There we are, sitting in a dirty old pub drinking pints on December 31st, 1899. The literal turn of the century. One pint leads to another and we get to talking about making their boat fly so they can get to the lake quicker. We spent a couple years working on it. Finally, one night as we stood around our first prototype flying boat, we decided it called for a celebration. I went out to get us some more beer and I come back to the two of them frantically telling me they flew the damn thing while I was gone and they got it on film!
From then on it was all “Wright Bros” this and “Wright Bros” that. I grew sick of it real quick. I mean shit, I was the one who came up with the 3-axis controls to keep control of the flying boat while it was in the air. Fuck em. I gave Willy Typhoid Fever and Orville was the proud recipient of a new heart attack.
It goes on and on. Do you think Elon Musk was the first one to invent solar roof tiles? Fuck no! He saw them on my house and was intrigued. I explained to him how they worked and the benefit of using the whole roof as a solar panel as opposed to just using a few ugly panels. Next thing I know he has them in production. Do you ever hear him even give old Übel a nod? Nope.
Good luck with your underground hyperloop Elon. The Hyperloop was not my idea but The Simpsons did it years ago so it’s not that impressive.
So I made a decision. I have 300 years of heartbreak and distrust built up and a strong sarcasm game built up. So I decided to go forward with this idea before I told anyone else about it.
Bent Card was born.